Ambrose Bierce quotes

“Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“When you doubt, abstain.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Curiosity, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.”

— Ambrose Bierce

“Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.”

— Ambrose Bierce