Phyllis Diller quotes

“My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me. ”

— Phyllis Diller

“You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.”

— Phyllis Diller

“I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'”

— Phyllis Diller

“Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.”

— Phyllis Diller

“The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you. ”

— Phyllis Diller

“Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. ”

— Phyllis Diller

“The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.”

— Phyllis Diller