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Fran Lebowitz quotes
“Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“You're only as good as your last haircut.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“Food is an important part of a balanced diet.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“My favorite animal is steak.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?”
— Fran Lebowitz
“I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“If you're going to America, bring your own food.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.”
— Fran Lebowitz
“Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.”
— Fran Lebowitz
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