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"Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome."
Top Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
"A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it."
"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."
"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'"
"Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV."
"I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything."
Jerry Seinfeld quotes