Mark Twain quotes

 quotes - Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

“God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - Golf is a good walk spoiled.

“Golf is a good walk spoiled.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

“Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

“Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

“Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - I can live for two months on a good compliment.

“I can live for two months on a good compliment.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

“I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - <p>I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.</p>

I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.

— Mark Twain

 quotes - I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.

“I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.

“Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.

“If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

“It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.

“It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.

“It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.

“It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - It is easier to stay out than get out.

“It is easier to stay out than get out.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

“It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

“It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.

“Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

“Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

“Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.

“Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.

“Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.

“Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.

“Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.

“Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.”

— Mark Twain

 quotes - Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

“Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.”

— Mark Twain