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Steven Wright
"I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'"
Top Steven Wright Quotes
"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
"Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'"
"There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'"
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Steven Wright quotes
Top Steven Wright Quotes
"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
"Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'"
"There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'"