Steven Wright
"I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends."
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Top Steven Wright Quotes
"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
"Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'"
"There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'"