George Burns quotes

“Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.”

— George Burns

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”

— George Burns

“Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.”

— George Burns

“You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.”

— George Burns

“I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.”

— George Burns

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”

— George Burns

“Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.”

— George Burns

“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”

— George Burns

“Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.”

— George Burns

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”

— George Burns

“First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.”

— George Burns

“Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.”

— George Burns

“Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.”

— George Burns

“I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.”

— George Burns

“You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.”

— George Burns

“If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.”

— George Burns

“I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.”

— George Burns

“I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.”

— George Burns

“If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.”

— George Burns

“The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.”

— George Burns

“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”

— George Burns

“Be quick to learn and wise to know.”

— George Burns

“You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.”

— George Burns

“I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.”

— George Burns

“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.”

— George Burns

“Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.”

— George Burns

“The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.”

— George Burns

“At my age flowers scare me.”

— George Burns

“I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.”

— George Burns

“It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.”

— George Burns

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