Rodney Dangerfield quotes

 quotes - When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. Share

“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

 quotes - I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. Share

“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

 quotes - My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. Share

“My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

 quotes - Life is just a bowl of pits. Share

“Life is just a bowl of pits.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!”

— Rodney Dangerfield

“On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.”

— Rodney Dangerfield
Website created by Michail Klissarski