William Claude Dukenfield quotes

“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“I like children - fried.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

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