William Claude Dukenfield quotes

“Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“I must have a drink of breakfast.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“I drink therefore I am.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Never give a sucker an even break.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“I never met a kid I liked.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.”

— William Claude Dukenfield

“I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.”

— William Claude Dukenfield