Andy Rooney quotes

 quotes - If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

“If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.”

— Andy Rooney

 quotes - The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”

— Andy Rooney

 quotes - Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.

“Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.”

— Andy Rooney

 quotes - Nothing in fine print is ever good news.

“Nothing in fine print is ever good news.”

— Andy Rooney

“Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.”

— Andy Rooney

“Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.”

— Andy Rooney

“People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.”

— Andy Rooney

“The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.”

— Andy Rooney

“I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.”

— Andy Rooney

“Elephants and grandchildren never forget.”

— Andy Rooney

“If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.”

— Andy Rooney

“Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.”

— Andy Rooney

“Death is a distant rumor to the young.”

— Andy Rooney

“The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.”

— Andy Rooney

“It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.”

— Andy Rooney

“Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.”

— Andy Rooney

“All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.”

— Andy Rooney

“The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.”

— Andy Rooney

“Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.”

— Andy Rooney

“Writers don't retire. I will always be a writer.”

— Andy Rooney

“We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.”

— Andy Rooney

“We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.”

— Andy Rooney

“Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.”

— Andy Rooney

“Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.”

— Andy Rooney

“I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.”

— Andy Rooney

“Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?”

— Andy Rooney

“I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.”

— Andy Rooney

“Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.”

— Andy Rooney

“My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.”

— Andy Rooney

“The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.”

— Andy Rooney
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