funny quotes

“I was asked to act when I couldn't act. I was asked to sing 'Funny Face' when I couldn't sing, and dance with Fred Astaire when I couldn't dance - and do all kinds of things I wasn't prepared for. Then I tried like mad to cope with it.”

“A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.”

“It's funny how most people love the dead, once you're dead your made for life.”

“It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you are dead, you are made for life.”

“It's to paint directly on the canvas without any funny business, as it were, and I use almost pure turpentine to start with, adding oil as I go along until the medium becomes pure oil. I use as little oil as I can possibly help, and that's my method.”

“I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses.”

“You know how old I am? I'm so old, I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That's how old I am.”

“Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.”

“'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' is a good one because it not only turned out, I think, to be a really funny movie but it was also a delight to shoot. We were in the South of France, working with Glenne Headly and Michael Caine and Frank Oz the director - who were just fun.”

“I thought 'Borat' was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn't some studio-produced script with 14 writers.”

“I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers.”

“It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget.”

“Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so exciting.”

“Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.”

“People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.”

“I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me.”

“No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it's delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it's not about you, that it's about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are.”

“There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.”

“I'm odd looking. Sometimes I think I look like a funny muppet.”

“I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet.”

“I'm blonde and tanned and normal-sized! I'm sweet, shy, funny, have a big heart and I'm nice - and I like to eat.”

“You know the funny thing, I don't get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people.”

“I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don't know. I mean, how can you tell?”

“I'm not funny. What I am is brave.”

“I don't mean to be funny.”

Funny quotes - Doctors will have more lives to answer for in the next world than even we generals.

“Doctors will have more lives to answer for in the next world than even we generals.”

Funny quotes - It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.

“It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.”

Funny quotes - It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

“It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.”

Funny quotes - I suppose when they reach a certain age some men are afraid to grow up. It seems the older the men get, the younger their new wives get.

“I suppose when they reach a certain age some men are afraid to grow up. It seems the older the men get, the younger their new wives get.”

Funny quotes - War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

“War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.”