funny quotes

Funny quotes - Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”

Funny quotes - The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.

“The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.”

Funny quotes - <p> They didn't want it good, they wanted it Wednesday.</p>

 They didn't want it good, they wanted it Wednesday.

Funny quotes - Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

“Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.”

Funny quotes - Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.”

Funny quotes - Age is not important unless you're a cheese.

“Age is not important unless you're a cheese.”

Funny quotes - The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.”

Funny quotes - It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.

“It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.”

Funny quotes - Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.

“Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.”

Funny quotes - The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.

“The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.”

Funny quotes - Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.

“Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.”

Funny quotes - A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.”

Funny quotes - After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.'

“After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.'”

Funny quotes - Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.

“Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room. ”

Funny quotes - I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

“I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.”

Funny quotes - I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”

Funny quotes - When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”

Funny quotes - To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'

“To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'”

Funny quotes - Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time.

“Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time.”

Funny quotes - The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”

Funny quotes - <p> The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...'</p>

 The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...'

Funny quotes - I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.”

Funny quotes - Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.”

Funny quotes - Soldiers generally win battles; generals get credit for them.

“Soldiers generally win battles; generals get credit for them.”

Funny quotes - Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

“Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.”

Funny quotes - Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”

Funny quotes - A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

“A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.”

Funny quotes - Money is not the only answer, but it makes a difference.

“Money is not the only answer, but it makes a difference.”

Funny quotes - My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

“My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.”

Funny quotes - It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

“It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”